The world has come to an end. Everything is lost, we are doomed and the worst is about to happen. We stand no chance and the Devil himself is looking for us, ready to take us.
Today I share with you one of my most powerful secret weapons. Today we embrace failure and get away with it.
We all hold visions of how “failure” looks like. It does not need to look as dramatic as I just depicted, but it might take many forms. Funny thing is that we often don’t describe it accurately, which makes it even scarier, there is nothing more spooky than the unknown.
We believe that we NEED to avoid failure as often as possible. We want to win, conquer and achieve. But very seldom “failure” is defined. So how come that we are so sure that we should avoid it at all costs? What are we so afraid of?
One way to break free from stress and anxiety is defining our worst case scenario. Tim Ferriss, the author of the book “The 4 Hour Workweek” among others, suggests that we ask ourselves the question “Is this what I so feared?” in order to come to terms with self-doubt and limiting beliefs.
The practice comes down to accurately describing our worst case scenario. Break down the numbers if you are forecasting any financial loss. And then come up with “come-backs” so you can internalize the different avenues towards recovering from such a “failure”. The goal is to feel free from the burden of fear and thus be able to live our lives feeling powerful and resolute.
Important: If you haven’t gone through the experience of failure, you might still believe in the terrible scenarios that your mind is projecting. This is often false and the worst case scenario is way less painful than you anticipated. The recovery from it is also faster and the lessons learned are very valuable.
By embracing failure, we empower ourselves and we open up the doors of possibility. We take more action, we are less attached to the outcome and thus we have more power in our hands to act and achieve.
FINDING LOVE: BEST WAY TO LOOK FEAR IN THE EYE
“Failure” is a fantasy more often than not. If you are a shy person, you’re always running dramatic scenarios in your head about how a girl will reject you if you ask her out. But the truth is that you miss all the shots that you don’t take. So embrace failure, be okay with rejection. What is the worst case scenario? If you have ever asked out a girl and rejection was the outcome, what was the worst that happened? Nobody gave much of a damn. I know, because I have gone through it many times.
Almost 4 years ago I decided that I would be better at “picking up” women. I just wanted to loosen up and increase my chances to meet women and enjoy those relationships in whatever form they came. Always with respect and consensual agreement, of course.
For us, men, it is required to take the first step. Not always, but if you want to get more results, it is better to go on the offensive than sitting on a bar and wait for a girl to approach you. So I got some good books and references to learn to be better than I was, to overcome being shy and to face the challenge.
One of the first lessons is to embrace failure. Fear of being rejected can be paralyzing, so you need to be okay with burning to the ground. If you accept that a girl can reject you, sometimes in a very explicit and harsh way, then you are free to approach and just start chatting. You won’t be missing any shots that you want to take, and you will be respectful with the outcome (if she says no… that is okay, it is nothing personal, she does not know you yet).
This made me more open, resourceful, funny and interesting to women. I didn’t approach anybody with a secret agenda or trying to achieve anything. And of course, I didn’t approach anybody feeling fear of rejection. I learned to be myself and let other people experience me, always being very respectful of their preferences and desires as well.
The greatest part of this experience is that you face rejection many times. You learn that there is no need for everybody to feel the same way as you do, you might be talking to any woman and she can be happily married, so it is perfectly okay to feel rejected. You smile, enjoy the experience, and then go to talk to other girls. At the same time, you are free and alive, you don’t need anything from anybody, you don’t fear anything.
You learn the principle of abundance: unlimited opportunities. You don’t need for THAT girl to say yes or to instantly fall in love with you, you just want to have fun and have a great experience for both of you. If she does not, smile and remember that there are unlimited opportunities, so just wait for the next one to show up.
EMBRACE IT FULLY
“The place where nothing works is the place where everything works”. This is a puzzling sentence from a rational standpoint but turns out to be very true in my experience.
Keypoint: Embracing failure does not mean to focus and attract the opposite of what you want, but it means to be okay with whatever might happen.
Whether something that you want happens or not, you don’t give a damn. That’s the real meaning of embracing failure. It does not mean that you focus on failure or want it to happen. It simply means that you describe your fears and then you become at peace with them.
Then you can let go. If you know anything about the “law of attraction”, you know that an important piece of it is “letting go”. Well, this is how you achieve it, this is how letting go happens almost automatically. You embrace failure by not giving a fuck whether you get it or not, you are totally free from outcome and the direct consequence is that you will have all the power and confidence in the world at your disposal.
This is how powerful embracing failure is. Don’t be afraid of using it, don’t ignore your doubts, but rather confront them by describing it and being okay with whatever happens. You are the most important part of the story, claim ownership and take responsibility.
Everything is within your reach, you can do anything. Learn more about yourself and recognize that everything is perfect as it is. Then you will be free to do and be whatever you want. It is all good.